Starting over, en pointe

I trained in ballet seriously for years growing up, and at some point life pulled me in enough directions that it quietly stopped being part of my week. It wasn't a dramatic decision to leave it behind, it just happened the way things do when you're juggling too much at once.

With the move to Tucson coming up, I keep thinking about starting again. Not competitively, not with any expectation of picking up exactly where I left off, my body and my schedule are both different now than they were back then. Just going back into a studio and doing the work again.

This time it's genuinely starting over, not just picking up where I left off. I've got bunions and some old foot trauma to work around now, things that weren't part of the picture back when I originally trained. That means relearning technique in a body that doesn't move quite the way it used to, being more deliberate about form, and probably being a lot more patient with myself than I was as a kid.

There's a strange kind of vulnerability in returning to something you used to be good at, knowing full well you won't be as good at it right away, and now with an added layer of just figuring out what my feet can actually handle. Most of what I do day to day, research, technical work, involves being confident in what I know. Ballet strips that away completely. You're either doing the movement correctly or you're not, and your body tells you the truth immediately, no argument, no interpretation.

I think that's actually part of the appeal right now. A little discomfort, a little humility, something physical instead of cerebral for a change.

New city, new studio, hopefully in the next few months. I'll write about how it actually goes once I'm there.